when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
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I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize