i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
