u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
