Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
