you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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