i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
