You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
