Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
