Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it's like iHOP with fire
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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