mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
