Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
