My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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