Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
NoShamevember. You game?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
