I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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