my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
