i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i think my cat just said my name.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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