I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
