I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
