checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I sprained my soul last night
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Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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