At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
