Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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