If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
