I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
