I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
