Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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