I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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