I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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