Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
