I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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