Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
