she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
