I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
