No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
