omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
