Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I want is dick and wine.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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