I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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