I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
