I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
