I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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