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It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
