Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
