Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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