When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think i have two assholes
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
