i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
