Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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