I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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