So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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