He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
