I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
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my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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