I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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