Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
