He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
