ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
