I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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