i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
