the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
