I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
