If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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