very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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