.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
