david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
