I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize