He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
