I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
