they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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