If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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