I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Swine flu is the new snow day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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