I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
