My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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