Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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