yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
